Sexual Harassment & Bullying

Sexual harassment and bullying are two different ways for perpetrators to harm their victims through violence, threats of violence, manipulation and unwanted touching. However, while sexual harassment is a form of bullying, bullying isn’t always sexual in nature. Keep reading to learn more about the different types of sexual harassment and bullying and what you can do to prevent it from happening to you, and to teach children and others not to become bullies.

What is Bullying?

To look at the issue in detail, let’s look at the definition of bullying. Bullying is an act or set of behaviors that is unwanted, aggressive and typically takes place among school-aged children. However, bullying can occur into young and older adulthood as well becoming more commonly known as harassment, sexual or otherwise.

Bullying often involves two defining characteristics that make it what it is and a recurring problem. First, bullying typically involves a real or perceived power imbalance. Second, the behavior is usually repeated or has the potential to be repeated over time toward the same victim(s). Bullying can result in lasting serious mental health problems for both the bully and the bullied victims.

While it is known by parents, teachers and other adults that sometimes kids can be mean to one another, say hurtful words or occasionally hit out of anger and frustration, that behavior becomes considered bullying in cases where one child is older than another or physically stronger than another. Bullying among adults also must maintain that characteristic, which is why it can take place when a boss bullies an employee or subordinate. Bullying among children can also take place when individuals of a predominant race or culture intentionally attack or threaten minority classmates and other children.

Bullying can take on three primary types:

  • Verbal bullying. This can entail calling names, making threats, teasing, taunting and inappropriate sexual comments, which then borders on sexual harassment.
  • Physical bullying. Hitting, spitting, tripping, punching, taking or breaking someone’s things and rude hand gestures would all be considered physical bullying acts.
  • Social bullying. In the era of social media, which more pre-teens and teens are having regular access to than ever before, social bullying has become one of the more prevalent types of bullying. It is more difficult for parents to monitor as children and teens can become more secretive with how and where they post. They can post anonymous rumors about a person, call names, send harassing messages, take and post unwanted pictures of a person, etc. Social bullying can also include intentionally leaving other children out. Telling classmates not to talk to/hang out with a specific child, making embarrassing comments and spreading false stories about them.

What is Sexual Harassment?

While still a form of bullying, sexual harassment typically happens to teens and adults. Sexual harassment includes unwelcome sexual advances, non-consensual flirting, requests for sexual acts or favors as well as other verbal and physical harassment in a sexual nature.

Like other types of bullying, power play can be a big part of sexual harassment; teachers sexually harassing students, employers to employees, etc. These power dynamics are often the reason behind the perpetrator sexually harassing the victim – to feel powerful.

How to prevent sexual harassment and bullying:

For children and teens, there are some great ways to help prevent sexual harassment and bullying.

  1. Recognize body autonomy. Never touch another person without their consent. Never allow someone to touch you if you don’t want them to.
  2. No means no. Always. No exceptions.
  3. If you’re angry at a person, talk to them or consult an adult, parent, or teacher to help mediate the disagreement. Do not resort to mean and bullying behaviors to retaliate.
  4. If you feel like you’ve bullied someone in the past, apologize. Everyone will feel better.
  5. Remember that everyone is different. Some people are born with physical or mental differences, but those differences are part of who they are and are not an excuse for someone to tease them or highlight those differences in a cruel way.
  6. If you feel like you’re being bullied or you see bullying take place to a friend or classmate, tell a teacher or parent right away.
  7. If it seems safe to do so, laugh off the bullying or in a calm voice, tell the bully to leave you or your friend alone.
  8. If the bully seems dangerous, walk away and consult an adult.
  9. Stay away from people and places where bullying happens. Don’t hang around with bullies.
  10. Stay close to adults. Most bullying takes place when adults are not around.

Other Ways to Prevent Bullying:

To avoid putting all of the responsibility on potential victims to prevent bullying and sexual harassment, it is important to start by teaching lessons to young children on concepts of consent and body autonomy as well as kindness and empathy. Some studies have shown that children who are willing to make friends with the “loner” students (who are often the biggest target for bullies) the number of bullied children is able to drop significantly.

One resource, invented by a teen who was bullied, is called the Sit with Us app. The idea is that kids who are surrounded by friends are less likely to be a target for bullies. The Sit with Us app helps kids and teens find friends to sit with at lunch or hang out with in social settings. Encouraging your child and teen to make friends with everyone can greatly cut down on the amount of students being bullied.

Teaching these concepts to children at a young age (including toddlerhood) can help them be more accepting of children who are different, help them show kindness and compassion and help them learn the importance of respecting others.


What is Verbal Bullying and How to Handle Verbal Bullies

In this bullying article we take a look at verbal bullying. What is verbal bullying? What are the effects of verbal bullying? Read this article to learn more about how to recognize verbal bullying and ways to deal with verbal bullies.

When most people think of bullying, they think of physical bullying. However, bullying goes beyond the physical and can encompass the verbal. It may seem strange, but verbal bullying can be just as harmful – in different ways – as physical bullying. With verbal bullying, the goal is still to degrade and demean the victim, while making the aggressor look dominant and powerful. All bullying focuses on creating a situation in which the victim is dominated by the aggressor. And this can happen verbally as well as physically.

In many cases, verbal bullying is the province of girls. Girls are more subtle (and can be more devastating), in general, than boys. Girls use verbal bullying, as well as social exclusion techniques, to dominate others and show their superiority and power. However, there are also many boys with subtlety enough to use verbal techniques for domination, and who are practiced in using words when they want to avoid the trouble that can come with physically bullying someone else.

Effects of verbal bullying

Many victims of verbal bullying are affected in very real ways. Verbal bullying can affect one’s self image, and affect someone in emotional and psychological ways. This type of bullying can lead to low self-esteem, as well as depression and other problems. It can aggravate problems that a victim may already be experiencing at home or in other places. In some cases, verbal bullying can reach a point where the victim is so depressed, and wants to escape so badly, that he or she may turn to substance abuse or – in some extreme cases – suicide. In the end, words have a power all their own, and the realities of verbal bullying can have very physical consequences, even if the aggressor never lays a finger on the victim.

Dealing with verbal bullies

Verbal bullying can be hard for teachers and other authority figures to detect, since no physical harm takes place. You should be aware of what is going on in your child’s life, and be a place that he or she can turn if verbal bullying is taking place. Some signs that your child might be a victim of insults from verbal bullies include reluctance to go to school, complaints that no one likes him or her, prolonged depression, a drop in school performance or drastic changes in eating and sleeping patterns.

It is difficult to deal with verbal bullies, but there are some things that your child can try in order to avoid bullies. It takes a lot of effort, though. Here are some things that may help your child deal with a verbal bully:

  • Ignore the bully: This is difficult, but if you can shrug off insults and provide no reaction, there is a chance that eventually the bully will move on to someone who provides a more interesting and responsive target.
  • Tell an authority figure: A trusted teacher can make things a little easier, by being on the lookout for bullying behavior. Unfortunately, it is hard to catch verbal bullies, and even harder to punish them, since it is difficult to prove that they have been involved in such behavior. But telling someone at school can be a relief.
  • Remain civil: Do not resort to rudeness yourself. Many bullies lose interest if you do not sink to their level. Also, if you act rudely and aggressively yourself, you may invite a physical confrontation, which could add physical hurts to the emotional.
  • Try to focus on your friends: If your child has loyal friends, encourage him or her to focus on those friends so that they have some positive influences. Additionally, a victim that is surrounded by friends can dissuade a verbal bully from engaging.
  • Look for other sources of enjoyment: After school activities and other interests and hobbies can help you take your mind off of the verbal bullying.

In the end, it is quite difficult to stop verbal bullying. However, you can set a good example for your children by speaking kindly of others, and not resorting to rudeness yourself. This is quite important, since many verbal bullies first learn to dominate others with words by listening to their parents, and how they interact with others.